My Secret To Having It All!
A Juicy Relationship (Complete With Good Sex), Fun Work and Lots of Play Time!
There is one tool that I have used steadily over the last 4 years that I believe has kept both me and my relationship healthy and happy. It has helped keep my relationship fun, playful, with lots of room for connection and open communication. It is something we look forward to every week.
So what it is?
It is Date Day/Night!
You may be familiar with this concept, maybe you have tried it, maybe you even do it! If so, great! Here are some things to consider when thinking about planning a date day/night or time.
What is Date Day/Night?
It is a set aside time that you spend with your partner (or with yourself, I highly recommend dating your sexy self whether single or not) every day, week or month. My partner and I set aside every Friday as our Date Day.
We both take that day off work and set aside the majority of the day to spend together, just the two of us.
Sometimes there are exceptions (for example this Friday we will be spending it with our family), sometimes there are special events or circumstances in which we are flexible and include others in our day. But our general rule is we set aside that time just for the two of us. I recommend the time being the same time every week but for some people that just doesn’t work – so do what works best for you. Set aside 1 hour, 2 hours, 4 hours or even a full weekend, whatever you can both commit to and enjoy together. It may mean you need to get a babysitter so you can have some time away from the kids.
Our Date Days have changed over the years. Sometimes we decide what to do together, sometimes we each pick a thing we want to do that day, and sometimes we take turns planning the day. If you are finding there is a lot of “It doesn’t matter” or “whatever you want to do” you may want to try taking turns planning the day. This is also really great if you both have very different interests. It will allow you to get to know each other better and do something you may not normally do on your own or even together.
What do you do?
You have fun together, you talk, you play, you do things that allow you to grow together.
We like to incorporate different things depending on what we are needing as a couple – sometimes we just need to really relax and veg out, maybe watch a movie. Sometimes we need to be active and will go for a walk or go swimming. Sometimes we are needing to connect more mentally and spiritually in which case we will go to a workshop together or learn together in some way or do yoga or some sort of spiritual practice.
You can each make a list of all the things you really enjoy doing and what you want to do more of. Make an effort to incorporate things from both of your lists on these date times.
Some ideas: go for a walk, biking, swimming, visit an art gallery/museum, go for a mini road trip, camping, hiking, partner yoga, learn something new – attend a seminar, check out a workshop, listen to an audio book, plan a trip, visit the farmers market, make a healthy meal together, spend the whole time together naked, go to a drive in movie theatre, go out for dinner, make love, plant a garden, go to a do it-yourself car wash and get wet, visit a book store, talk about your dreams and desires, play a sexy game, try some tantra techniques, go to a live concert, visit a toy shop, give each other a massage, go to a fair (rides!), go dancing or take a dance class, try a cooking class and one of my favorites – go to an arcade…get creative!
What not to do.
This is not a time to argue, fight, nit pick at each other, talk about serious things that you know will stress you out (I am all for talking about serious things when the time is right, if it will be expanding and growth promoting go for it, if stressful and potentially fight causing leave it for an Executive Hour – you can learn more about Executive Hour in my Finding Freedom workshop).
The main reason resistance comes up around this exercise is often around spontaneity. If this is you or perhaps your partner, remember that relationships take work and although you are indeed setting aside time it does not mean that you can’t be spontaneous during that set aside time.
Often, especially in longer term relationships, it gets easy to take the time we are together for granted and don’t utilize it to the fullest. Not doing something so you can wait for spontaneous moments to happen (when often they don’t) is not usually the answer. Setting aside time to be together has allowed many spontaneous moments for us. A key point to mention though is that you have to do what is right for you and your partner. Feel it out and see how you can work this so it will benefit you both the most.
What this exercise has done for us and what it can do for you.
It has given us something to look forward to and build up excitement to all week. It has deepened the connection in our relationship and helped us to get to know each other better.
Doing Date Day/Time alone can improve your:
- Sex life
- Stress levels
- Communication (big one!)
- Excitement levels
- Overall life living
* Plus there are so many other amazing side effects aside from having a better relationship with our partner, overall we are happier and healthier and the other areas of our lives are much more enjoyable because we are less stressed and happier.
So take some time this week with your partner to decide when you want to have your date times and then you can each make a list of all the things you want to do over the next couple months. Enjoy!
To find out how Date Time has helped a dear friend of mine have it all (even with young twins and a thriving business) click here.
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