As a woman (or a man…or owner of a human body) you deserve to experience pleasure and joy. Unfortunately there are all kinds of belief systems that we create that block us from experiencing that pleasure and joy.
You have to achieve (insert unrealistic or long-term goal here) before you can go (insert something fun and pleasurable here).
You are not smart/pretty/sexy enough to have (insert something you desire here).
These very well could be thoughts that cross your mind frequently. They certainly have circled throughout the forefront and behind the scenes in my mind. This fact inspired a great conversation.
Wednesday I did an interview for a program called the Bombshell Bootcamp – the topic was guilt and shame. I shared with the group what I saw as being one of the most common things women feel guilty about.
What is it? We (I am included in this), often feel guilty or shameful for having desires or wants.
Why do we feel guilty about these desires? Because we don’t feel like we deserve them.
For one reason or another we have a belief system that is telling us what we want is not something we deserve and therefore we end up feeling guilty for wanting it. This by the way is usually enough to stop us from receiving what we want or stops us from enjoying it to the fullest if we do get it.
We might feel like we don’t:
- Deserve to be happy
- Deserve to be sexually satisfied
- Deserve to have the perfect partner (= meeting all the wrong men)
- Deserve to have the job we want
All of those thoughts come from bullshit beliefs. That’s right, bullshit. We deserve to have our cake and eat it to!
In Louise Hayes’ book “You Can Heal Your Life Companion Book” there is a Deservability Exercise. It consists of 7 questions which I will list briefly below. Taking some time on your own to go through these questions may give you some insight into the belief systems you have.
There are also affirmations below that you can start applying to break through these negative thought patterns.
1. What do you want that you do not have now?
2. What did you learn about deserving in your childhood?
3. Do you feel that you are deserving of good things, or do you feel that you have to do something to earn them? Are you good enough?
4. Do you deserve to live? Why or why not?
5. What do you have to live for? What is the purpose of your life?
6. Whom do you need to forgive in order to deserve?
I feel that I am pretty good at forgiving others. Forgiving myself on the other hand is another story. I feel I need to forgive myself in order to deserve. I still feel guilt for things I have done, or thought – things from the past that I can’t change. So I need to release and move forward… (a blurb from mine).
7. What do you deserve? Do you believe: “I deserve love and joy and all good”? Or do you feel deep down that you deserve nothing? Are you willing to let go of your limiting beliefs about deservability?
Some Affirmations Around Deserving.
Here are a few affirmations to try, pick one that feels most suitable to you. It may be helpful to repeat these phrases either aloud or silently to yourself when you find yourself feeling down on yourself or discouraged about life in general.
- I am deserving.
- I deserve all good.
- I deserve _________.
- I now move past all negative, restricting thoughts.
- I no longer identify with limitation of any kind.
When we let go of these old, limiting belief systems we are able to start going for what we want and desire without feeling guilty…and that feels good.
One thing I recommended to the Bombshell Bootcamp group was to share your desires. Share them with someone you trust and who you know will not judge you. Whether it is a best friend, your closest group of friends, your coach, or even your journal. That is one way to start putting your desires out there and getting on the path of believing you deserve them.