Slightly more than half of all married people will cheat on their spouses at some point in their lives. Men kind of get the bad rap when it comes to cheating but in reality women cheat almost (if not equally) as much as men.
I was one of those women.
No, I have not cheated on my husband…but… I have cheated on almost every single boyfriend I had before him.
For today’s purpose I am going to share more about thinking or fantasizing about cheating – why you might think about it and what to do about it.
I am writing this for the ladies who love their partner, who long for a deep, intimate, passionate and connected relationship with them, but something is missing (maybe it has been only for a short while, maybe for years).
After seemingly trying everything (which I promise you, with the rare exception, you haven’t) what are you left with?
Lustful thoughts and daydreams about your neighbor, co-worker, the guy from the gym or Thor (I include this because I just watched Avengers and would rightfully allow him to ravage me) seducing you take over your thoughts about your loving partner. And, so does guilt, shame, sadness, uncertainty and even hopelessness.
“What if it doesn’t change”
“Have we grown too apart?”
“Are we not meant to be together?”
“Maybe our relationship outside of the bedroom will be enough…”
Fantasizing about being with someone else doesn’t mean you aren’t in love anymore or that you are mentally “cheating,” but feeling hopeless, dissatisfied and unhappy in your relationship then fantasizing about being with someone else can be a pretty good indicator that it’s time to put some extra attention on exploring what is really going on.
Personally, I think some playful flirting and fantasizing can be healthy for a relationship, unfortunately it is often done for the wrong reasons. Usually it is because your needs are not being met.
So how can you get your needs met in a healthy way in your relationship instead of meeting your needs in unhealthy ways?
In my experience with cheating and thoughts of cheating (which sadly there has been plenty) in the past I noticed that when looking back I can see that I really was seeking out male attention as a confidence booster and sign of validation and for excitement – meeting my needs for uncertainty/variety and for love.
Now I can see that if certain desires and fantasies are coming up that I can look into what needs am I looking to have met and how I can meet them in healthy ways WITH my partner.
To meet my need for variety and uncertainty I can initiate spontaneous activities or do something totally different from our regular routine. I could remind my partner about how he used to plan amazing date days and let him know how much I loved and appreciated that and how much excited I would be for him to do that again.
To be even more adventurous I could even plan a night out where we pretend to be different characters or like we are just meeting for the first time.
Do you see how those things would still meet my need for variety/uncertainty but also provide more connection and love with my partner?
What insecurities are you feeling?
What needs of yours aren’t being met (or being met in unhealthy ways)?
What are some ways that you could meet those needs in healthy ways?
Take a few moment to really answer these questions. When you are done comment below and let us know if you have ever thought about cheating before? If so what need (love/connection, certainty/variety, certainty, significance, growth, contribution) do you think you were wanting to meet?
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