Do you feel like you’ve taken leaps and bounds in your life by spending hours, weeks, months or even years working on yourself (books, courses, workshops, meditation, yoga, retreats, etc.)…but…your partner is stuck in your dust and doesn’t seem to have any interest in joining you on your path to bliss and consciousness?
Do you feel frustrated or even sad that he seems to refuse to leave his negativity or complacency behind?
Are you scared he may never be willing to grow like you have and you will lose interest in being with him?
You are not alone sista!
Women all over the world are shifting to a more conscious, healthy version of themselves while their man seems to be stuck (and totally okay with it) where he’s at.
So what do you do?
Try to get him to join you at a woo woo workshop? Pass him books to read (he hates reading)? Or as my friend, Heather White, shared while speaking at a recent event – literally tell him you will read this passage TO him (and, yes, I have admittedly done this)? Or tell him his negativity is attracting more negativity (his response: “How can you say I am attracting all of this, I did nothing to deserve this”)?
You’ve probably found doing any of the above has left both of you feeling more disconnected from each other and more alone.
So now what do you do? Does this mean you aren’t meant to be together anymore?? I know… it’s a scary thought… SO here are…
5 Ways To Prevent Divorce – When Your Partner Isn’t On The Same Wavelength.
1. Breathe & Experience JOY.
When we are experiencing disconnect, tension or stress we tend to tighten up and stop breathing fully. We allow everything to take over instead of taking deep inhales AND exhales and doing things that light us up and bring us joy. It is easy to experience good feelings and joy when things are going well, but it is even more important to bring in those feelings and experiences that bring joy when there is stress. Do something everyday that lights you up and remember to breathe fully.
When you are happy you give everyone else around you permission to be happier.
This has been a biggie for me lately. When you are taking time to breathing set your intention and ask/pray “for this or something better”, as Kris Ward says, and then trust and let go. Easier said than done , and I would love to say it gets easier with practice, but when you do this it will allow you to stop worrying and going over everything in your head all day – now wouldn’t that free up some energy?!
3. Seek Support.
It can feel really lonely when you feel disconnected from your partner, but you don’t have to figure this all out on your own. Having a support system of friends (insert shameless plug for the Sexified Sisterhood here) or a mentor/coach can make all the difference in the world. These support systems can give you new perspectives, make you smile, relate, listen, inspire, and give you hugs when you need! Most of all these people give you a safe space to open up and share authentically what you are experiencing without judgement = healing.
4. Live By Example, Not Force.
So often we have this idea that are partner should like the things we like, do the things we do and walk the same path we do. I was gently reminded this past weekend by my friend, Baljit, that my partner has his own path (oh ya!!). I also recognize that when I am told or asked to do something repeatedly that I am not particularly interested in the more I am repelled by the idea (and almost don’t want to do it out of spite). I also recognize that my partner is very much the same in that regard.
Instead of pushing your partner to do something I think you will find a much better response by living by example. If they like what they see they will join in.
Example 1: You go to the gym/yoga and you keep telling your man he should come with you or even buy him a pass (when he hasn’t expressed any interest) so he feels obligated to go with you. You spend weeks nagging him to go with you. Even if he does end up going his action is uninspired and feels forced = you probably end up feeling hurt or resentful that he didn’t enjoy it as much as he “should” have.
Example 2: You go to the gym, regardless of whether or not he goes with you and you enjoy the shit out of it. You are open to him joining you but are unattached to whether or not he does. You have fun, and reap the benefits of feeling and looking better. Initially he seems uninterested, but 6 weeks later when you are getting your yoga mat ready he asks if they have extra mats at the studio so he can go with you. He noticed that you have been happier, less grumpy, more motivated and of course lookin’ hot – and naturally he wanted in on it.
Example 3: Just like example 2 except for he doesn’t go. He just soaks up you and your new, healthy, sexiness and in turn becomes happier himself just from being around you. Even though he didn’t end up going (getting all bendy in a group of other people just isn’t his thing) you BOTH still benefit.
How do you want to go about this?
5. Tune In. Use Your Intuition.
Not sure what to do? You have all the answers inside of you. Close your eyes and sit in stillness. Go back to #1 and #2. Breathe. Breathe into your heart and then trust. Trust that the answers that come up are for you. Trust that you can’t get it wrong. Trust that when you tune in you are never alone.
If you can relate to any of this and found this article helpful share it with your friends and be sure to enter your name and email below to receive a free gift + a free weekly Sexy Friday’s straight to your inbox. As always I would love to read your thoughts and experiences so be sure to comment below.